Springs of Joy: Broken Open PDF Print E-mail
Friday, 20 January 2012 14:33

BY Jane dela Cruz Bascar

“Blessed are they who heal us of self-despisings. Of all services which can be done to man, I know of none more precious.” – William Hale White

Perhaps because my experience with surgery is still vivid, when I came across this piece by Gay Hendricks, it resonated deeply with me. He says, “If you have ever had surgery, you may have a vague memory of the moments when you began to awaken from the anesthesia. From some deep, dark place, you began to surface. The surfacing is not always easy; the unconsciousness presses down upon you even as your conscious self tries to push upward and emerge. Once you reach a conscious state, you find yourself in some strange place that is both painful and giddy.”

I can so relate. I remember my struggle to surface from that deep dark place and how I gradually become conscious – first there were the disjointed voices, then blurred images. I remember, too, that among the first things I did was to “see” if my mind was working properly, if I still “think” the same way and feeling giddily grateful when I realized I still had my mental faculties… Then came the fear – that scariest of feelings when I became aware of the numbness that had taken hold of the lower half of my body. I felt anxiety grip me as I wondered when the sensation will ever come back or if it ever will… But when it finally came, so did the hope, the exhilaration. It was like a rebirth - my little resurrection that made me more conscious, more appreciative of all the little miracles that allow me to live, stirring in me a deeper desire to live each moment fully.  

Hendricks continues, “So it is with the choice to live the emotionally and relationally conscious life. Having spent so many years blanketed by denial and defenses, the letting go and coming to life – to conscious life – is sometimes a struggle. Your heart may protest: I am not strong enough! I can’t bear the bright yellow light of reality; I will break from the strength of the honesty that surrounds me! This is not true, of course, but having not yet come out on the other side of consciousness, how can you be sure of its safety? You could trust my word – it is trustworthy. Or you could trust the feelings that you experience as you begin this journey, the breakthrough feelings of excitement, of hope, the glow of the truth the first time you let yourself speak it. Loosen your hold on a half-lived life and jump fully into the rich, brilliant, blinding colors of consciousness. Having been bathed in the light of conscious loving and living, you will never choose to return to the old ways.”

Again, I can so relate. When I stumbled upon this path to consciousness, it was painful to see so many of my lifelong beliefs crumbling. In a way, it was so much easier to cling to my comfort zone. But I guess, what they say is true: when the breakthrough happens and the blinding light hits you, you can’t shield yourself from it. You are forced to awaken and you can’t go back to the old ways, not even if you wanted to… And why would you want to? Because despite the breaking that comes with becoming conscious, the feeling of liberation that accompanies it makes everything worthwhile. And then we see that sometimes, being broken open is indeed the way to break through.

We want to know what you think, what you feel and what topics interest you. Please send your comments, reactions and/or suggestions to: springsofjoy@ymail.com.